Let’s Work Together
There is a high co‑morbidity between Autism and ADHD – estimates vary, but most fall between 40–70%. Many people are diagnosed with both, or self‑identify with either or both, often using the colloquial term AuDHD. Rates of co‑occurrence may be even higher than we realise, because each condition can mask the other. It’s common for ADHDers who begin medication to ask, “Does the medication cause Autism?” only to discover that once the ADHD is supported, the Autism – which was always there – finally has space to show itself.
Until recently, I hadn’t considered the reverse to be possible. I knew Autism could hide ADHD traits, but I didn’t believe there were any Autistic‑aligned interventions that could reveal ADHD. That changed when a personal shift in my own life unexpectedly uncovered ADHD traits that had long been overshadowed by my Autism.
A Life That Became More Autistic‑Friendly
The last nine months have been challenging. Since September, my dad has been in hospital, moved between three different hospitals, countless wards, experienced organ failure, lost his mobility, and spent time in a nursing home where safeguarding concerns were raised and substantiated. He is now in another nursing home following discharge three weeks ago, and learning to walk again. Alongside this, other aspects of life have changed. Everything has slowed down – become more Autistic‑friendly.
My workload has reduced by around 50%, perhaps more. I’ve stopped over‑booking myself socially. I’ve prioritised solitude, chosen activities I genuinely enjoy, and allowed myself to immerse in my MA in Autism – a space where my Autistic interests are not only allowed but valued. Since January, I’ve intentionally contracted my life to protect my wellbeing.
What Happened Next
Over the past six weeks, I’ve noticed a shift. I’m happier. My sense of humour has returned. The dark cloud that has followed me for most of my life is lifting. I feel more grounded, more certain of what I want. I can enjoy an alcoholic drink because I no longer feel the constant need to stay in control or juggle everything. I’m more able to let go of what I cannot control. I’m more assertive. My self‑worth has grown. I notice more. I feel more empathic. Even the dog feels easier to manage.
This week, someone said something that landed deeply:
An Autistic‑friendly life can reveal the ADHD that was there all along.
I don’t believe I would meet the diagnostic criteria for ADHD, nor am I seeking assessment, but I’ve always known it was likely to be present. Two of my three children have ADHD diagnoses – one AuDHD – and the third is awaiting assessment. Given the strong hereditary nature of ADHD, three out of three would not surprise me.
Historically, I’ve caught minor glimpses of the ADHD in myself – the way I decorated my living room, for example. Three calm, Autistic‑friendly walls… and one wall that unmistakably screams ADHD. It has always felt like a quarter of me, just enough to help me function as a speaking Autistic person and to do the work I do, but not enough to over-power the Autism. Enough to know it was there, hidden.
Recently, I joked to my daughter that the ADHD must be emerging because I suddenly like gin, having always assumed my low alcohol intake was an Autism thing. It feels strange, but in a good way – and those around me seem to be responding positively to the changes too.
The Likeability Lens
I’ve long recognised that, in society’s eyes, ADHD is perceived as more “likeable” than Autism. The fact that researchers have studied the likeability of Autistic people – with predictably negative findings – while no such research exists for ADHD is telling. But I’m in a place now where I like all parts of myself, including the parts I once struggled with. And I no longer need anyone else’s approval of any aspect of who I am – Autistic, ADHD, or otherwise.
A Better Balance
What I know for certain is this:
I feel more balanced, and life is better for me when it is Autistic‑friendly.
In that space – with reduced demands, more authenticity, and fewer masks – the fuller picture of who I am has been able to emerge.